7 Lessons for Couples After 7 Years of Marriage, Parenthood, and Everything In Between

This year, my husband and I are celebrating 7 years of marriage. In that time, we’ve welcomed a beautiful two-year-old, navigated intimacy challenges (yes—pain with intercourse is something I’ve personally walked through), experienced the heartbreak of miscarriage, and we’re now preparing for the arrival of our second baby.

Marriage through the lens of parenthood, loss, and physical change looks different than the wedding vows ever hinted it would. But I’m grateful for the ways we’ve grown together—and the lessons we’ve learned along the way. Today, I want to share 7 tips for couples who may find themselves in similar seasons.

1. Prioritize Communication—Even When It’s Messy

Conversations about miscarriage grief, postpartum recovery, or intimacy struggles aren’t easy. But honesty creates connection. It’s okay if the words come out imperfectly—the important part is staying open.

2. Don’t Avoid Talking About Sex

After birth (and a third degree tear), I experienced pain with intercourse. It was discouraging, confusing, and honestly, isolating at times. But keeping that bottled up only widened the distance between us. If intimacy feels different—or hard—talk about it. Focused rehab exercises to help reduce pelvic floor tension along with some perineal scar massage played a huge role in reducing my pain during intimacy.

3. Grieve Together, Not Separately

Miscarriage taught us that grief looks different for each partner. Sometimes one person is ready to talk while the other isn’t. The key was learning to respect those differences, while also making space for moments to hold the grief together.

4. Date Nights Don’t Have to Be Fancy

Some of our most meaningful time together has been sitting on the couch with takeout after bedtime, when we can finally relax and share the highs and lows of our day. It’s less about what you’re doing and more about creating intentional connection.

5. Be Teammates in Parenthood

Parenting a toddler is exhausting and beautiful all at once. Splitting responsibilities (even the small things like dishes, bedtime, or toddler meltdowns) helps reduce resentment and keeps us feeling like we’re in this together, not competing for “who’s more tired.”

6. Allow Space for Physical and Emotional Healing

Pregnancy, postpartum recovery, and miscarriage all reshape a woman’s body—and her heart. For us, giving space for healing (without pressure or timelines) has been essential. Respecting each other’s needs during those seasons kept our marriage steady, even when life felt unsteady.

7. Celebrate the Small Wins

Seven years of marriage has shown me that joy doesn’t always come in big milestones—it’s in the little moments: toddler giggles, a belly laugh during a hard day, or a quiet “thank you” when one of us steps in to help.

Marriage, parenting, loss, and pregnancy are stretching and refining—but they can also draw you closer than you thought possible. My hope is that these lessons encourage you to keep choosing each other, no matter what season you’re in.